I woke up to feeling like "everything" needed to change; the plan I have for school, my work schedule, my marriage goals, the flooring in my home, and even the cleaning products I use! I was in a place of complete discontentment.
The seed to this discontent may have been me being sick for the past week and nothing going as "planned." Or honestly it could have even been me questioning what happened to my daughter at daycare just yesterday. Like, my husband and I go without so she can be in the "best" daycare, but she was still exposed to something that we thought we could prevent by putting her in a well established, expensive, Christian daycare.
I literally had a Tyrese moment in my prayer time..."God, what more do you want from me?"
God responded, "Brittany, I want prayer out of you."
Can I be honest?...my response to God at 3:30 AM was, "tha f***!" Maybe because I was tired and couldn't sleep, or maybe because I was just that irritated by the Lord's response to me. Or maybe it's just my sinful nature. Judge me all you want, but I said what I said.
As I sat on my couch bamboozled by God's response, he began to download in me that, "Brittany, you're busy and living a purposeful life, but you're not living a life of prayer."
That hurt. Ya'll know how many hours/days I'm putting in at an unpaid internship, my full time job, graduate school, being a wife, being a friend, mother of a 4 year old and unborn child, keeper of my home, etc. YA GIRL IS TIRED, and I thought the Lord gave me all of this and has given me the grace to do these things from his strength alone most days. "So what are you saying, Lord?" I asked. The Lord then repeated himself to me, "I want prayer out of you."
"What do you think I'm doing?" was my response. And the Lord showed me that I'm doing great things and acknowledging him in all my ways, however I'm not operating from a place of prayer. And that's how I've become so discontent. The Lord said to me, "You see, you send your child to that daycare, but you stopped praying over her safety, teachers, and administrators. You see you have an amazing GPA in graduate school, but your plans are not my plans for how you will finish school, because you've stopped consulting me about your education. You see, that marriage you're in, it's beautiful, but you've stopped praying for your spouse like I told you to. You see those beautiful kids I'm allowing you to raise and carry, are mine. You've even stopped consulting me about your pregnancy, because your confidence comes from the "What To Expect" app you have downloaded. You see that home you're in, it was only for a season for you and your spouse to be there, but because you've stopped consulting me about how to live in THAT house, I'm not moving you to your NEXT one."
Talk about a heart check. He told me, "You've stopped consulting me about THESE THINGS. Once I gave you the responsibility, you ran with YOUR idea of how to function in those areas."
"Well dang! So where do I go from here?" I asked the Lord. It's now 4:30 AM, and I'm feeling stuck.
The Lord simply responded, "Pray without ceasing." I was reminded of the scripture from 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 (NLT) "Always be joyful. NEVER STOP PRAYING. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."
You see, purpose is attached to everything you're experiencing IN THIS VERY MOMENT. Whether your heart is broken, you've lost a loved one, you're starting a business, or even living in the overflow of God's goodness. Just know, you will be discontent the moment you're surviving off of your ability, when you are suppose to be surviving and thriving from a place of prayer.
It's 5 AM now, and I'm left with these 3 things to share with you:
Mark 11:22-26 (MSG) Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'- no shuffling or shilly-shallying -and it's as good as done. That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it's not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive- only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins."
Right now and for forever, pray about it all. Don't fix it, move it, change it, or pay for it until you've prayed.
Signing out at 6 AM, knowing that only prayer is going to get me through this day. And I'm sure that was God's plan all along.
The seed to this discontent may have been me being sick for the past week and nothing going as "planned." Or honestly it could have even been me questioning what happened to my daughter at daycare just yesterday. Like, my husband and I go without so she can be in the "best" daycare, but she was still exposed to something that we thought we could prevent by putting her in a well established, expensive, Christian daycare.
I literally had a Tyrese moment in my prayer time..."God, what more do you want from me?"
God responded, "Brittany, I want prayer out of you."
Can I be honest?...my response to God at 3:30 AM was, "tha f***!" Maybe because I was tired and couldn't sleep, or maybe because I was just that irritated by the Lord's response to me. Or maybe it's just my sinful nature. Judge me all you want, but I said what I said.
As I sat on my couch bamboozled by God's response, he began to download in me that, "Brittany, you're busy and living a purposeful life, but you're not living a life of prayer."
That hurt. Ya'll know how many hours/days I'm putting in at an unpaid internship, my full time job, graduate school, being a wife, being a friend, mother of a 4 year old and unborn child, keeper of my home, etc. YA GIRL IS TIRED, and I thought the Lord gave me all of this and has given me the grace to do these things from his strength alone most days. "So what are you saying, Lord?" I asked. The Lord then repeated himself to me, "I want prayer out of you."
"What do you think I'm doing?" was my response. And the Lord showed me that I'm doing great things and acknowledging him in all my ways, however I'm not operating from a place of prayer. And that's how I've become so discontent. The Lord said to me, "You see, you send your child to that daycare, but you stopped praying over her safety, teachers, and administrators. You see you have an amazing GPA in graduate school, but your plans are not my plans for how you will finish school, because you've stopped consulting me about your education. You see, that marriage you're in, it's beautiful, but you've stopped praying for your spouse like I told you to. You see those beautiful kids I'm allowing you to raise and carry, are mine. You've even stopped consulting me about your pregnancy, because your confidence comes from the "What To Expect" app you have downloaded. You see that home you're in, it was only for a season for you and your spouse to be there, but because you've stopped consulting me about how to live in THAT house, I'm not moving you to your NEXT one."
Talk about a heart check. He told me, "You've stopped consulting me about THESE THINGS. Once I gave you the responsibility, you ran with YOUR idea of how to function in those areas."
"Well dang! So where do I go from here?" I asked the Lord. It's now 4:30 AM, and I'm feeling stuck.
The Lord simply responded, "Pray without ceasing." I was reminded of the scripture from 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 (NLT) "Always be joyful. NEVER STOP PRAYING. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."
You see, purpose is attached to everything you're experiencing IN THIS VERY MOMENT. Whether your heart is broken, you've lost a loved one, you're starting a business, or even living in the overflow of God's goodness. Just know, you will be discontent the moment you're surviving off of your ability, when you are suppose to be surviving and thriving from a place of prayer.
It's 5 AM now, and I'm left with these 3 things to share with you:
1) Count it all joy. No matter your current situation, condition your mind to focus on what's going right in this moment, and be joyful even if it's for just ONE thing.
2) Pray all the time...about everything.
3) Know that you are in God's will in this very moment, no matter your circumstance. THIS MOMENT is God's will for your life, even if you don't understand it, don't like it, even if you feel like you can't handle it, or even if you are living in the overflow of God's goodness right now. THIS MOMENT IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOUR LIFE.
Mark 11:22-26 (MSG) Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'- no shuffling or shilly-shallying -and it's as good as done. That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it's not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive- only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins."
Right now and for forever, pray about it all. Don't fix it, move it, change it, or pay for it until you've prayed.
Signing out at 6 AM, knowing that only prayer is going to get me through this day. And I'm sure that was God's plan all along.
Happy Valentine's Day 2019
Love,
Brittany Bradley
Love it! Thank you, I'm guilty of this as well.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading my blog!
DeleteThank you so much for sharing this with us! I have been really struggling with the same thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHey Court! Thank you for reading my blog! Praying you were encouraged!
DeleteAlways keeping it real!❤️ So many take away nuggets in this blog but overall this encourages me to PRAY more. Most important thing we can do. Just pray.
ReplyDeletePraise God this blog post had several takeaways for you! Yes, prayer is my weapon these days!
Delete